All right, so this post is more like a vent post and I don't mean to discourage new moms or soon to be moms, or even bleakly sound positive. So far I have mentioned about the good part of becoming a mom, life as a stay at home mom..... but hey!!! there's other side of the coin too.
Its 8 AM.... Anvesha wakes up and just wants to be held (only by me), she has been super clingy for whatever reason, refusing to eat. While I need to get the household chores done before Prateek leaves for work, Anvesha would just not let me work at all and follows me everywhere. I somehow manage to get some tasks done, gobbling some instant breakfast meals while holding Anvesha. God bless the instant meals concept !!! Too tired to hold her anymore, I end up putting on her favorite rhymes so as to get her down to sit in one place. I hate treating television as a baby sitter, but this is my last resort.
Fast forward... its 12.30 PM now and I have finally managed to get her to sleep after hours of whining. I sit down in front of my laptop and begin to write. I look around me - at the unopened book that I wanted to read but haven't managed to so far, my to do list which is becoming longer and longer, and finally the lukewarm cup of "adrak ki chai" which I wanted to drink while it was still hot... too tired to get up, I gulp it anyways.
These days the success of my day is determined more by whether Anvesha finishes her meals, how much she naps and how much of the household chores Iam able to finish on time. Its so easy to fall into the trap of counting all the wrong things, that Iam forgetting what motherhood really is.... Squeezing out time for myself is a major challenge these days..... I need some pampering, some ME time :(
How many times have I swept the kitchen floor, how many times have I cleaned the carpet stains, how many times have I stepped over that particular toy, how many times have I cleared the tit bits of Anvesha's leftovers, how many times have I raised my voice? My equation of motherhood seems to be always unbalanced. No matter how hard I try, Iam always at the losing end and the more I think about it, the more overwhelmed, hopeless, frustrated and uncertain I get. But you know what, motherhood cannot be quantified and children aren't equations and my purpose is definitely not to solve my domestic life as a complex maths equation. My purpose is to extend grace, plant love in the hearts of people I love most.
I should rather focus on what is going right in order to feel better. I know today I haven't been able to meet any of the standards I have set for myself, but who said motherhood would be a rosy picture? Whenever Iam feeling low in times like these, i see all of Anvesha's pictures and old videos and that makes me feel better.
Its 8 AM.... Anvesha wakes up and just wants to be held (only by me), she has been super clingy for whatever reason, refusing to eat. While I need to get the household chores done before Prateek leaves for work, Anvesha would just not let me work at all and follows me everywhere. I somehow manage to get some tasks done, gobbling some instant breakfast meals while holding Anvesha. God bless the instant meals concept !!! Too tired to hold her anymore, I end up putting on her favorite rhymes so as to get her down to sit in one place. I hate treating television as a baby sitter, but this is my last resort.
Fast forward... its 12.30 PM now and I have finally managed to get her to sleep after hours of whining. I sit down in front of my laptop and begin to write. I look around me - at the unopened book that I wanted to read but haven't managed to so far, my to do list which is becoming longer and longer, and finally the lukewarm cup of "adrak ki chai" which I wanted to drink while it was still hot... too tired to get up, I gulp it anyways.
These days the success of my day is determined more by whether Anvesha finishes her meals, how much she naps and how much of the household chores Iam able to finish on time. Its so easy to fall into the trap of counting all the wrong things, that Iam forgetting what motherhood really is.... Squeezing out time for myself is a major challenge these days..... I need some pampering, some ME time :(
How many times have I swept the kitchen floor, how many times have I cleaned the carpet stains, how many times have I stepped over that particular toy, how many times have I cleared the tit bits of Anvesha's leftovers, how many times have I raised my voice? My equation of motherhood seems to be always unbalanced. No matter how hard I try, Iam always at the losing end and the more I think about it, the more overwhelmed, hopeless, frustrated and uncertain I get. But you know what, motherhood cannot be quantified and children aren't equations and my purpose is definitely not to solve my domestic life as a complex maths equation. My purpose is to extend grace, plant love in the hearts of people I love most.
I should rather focus on what is going right in order to feel better. I know today I haven't been able to meet any of the standards I have set for myself, but who said motherhood would be a rosy picture? Whenever Iam feeling low in times like these, i see all of Anvesha's pictures and old videos and that makes me feel better.
nice one
ReplyDeleteAfter long time i could read u again.I am always curious to read your experiences and views.Pl dont be frustrated, u manage everything so well,and who says u have not met the standards set by u.Wait n watch. U have been v good HR Manager,mom n wife.
ReplyDeleteYou will never be at loosing end.You r graceful and lovely.Imagine and feel the presence of your loved ones who will always b there to help, pamper n support u. Nice attempts in all fields.
ReplyDelete